And I Will Never Let Go
by aricka.coeya
Summary: They were worlds apart. But they were destined to be together. SusPian. AU. Be nice and please review: . If you don't like the pairing, don't read.


This is my first fanfic submission...ever :) Be nice and please review. :) If you don't like the pairing, don't read it. I don't own anything...

* * *

When Lucy gave her the letter, Susan wanted to rip it into shreds and just run away from everything.

From her siblings. From Narnia. From Caspian. But one look into Lucy's eyes, and she couldn't help

but read it. _My Dearest Queen Susan_, it began. Susan started to read...

_My Dearest Queen Susan,_

_If you are reading this, then King Edmund, Queen Lucy and Lord Eustace have safely made_

_it back to your world. It was quite a shock when they boarded the Dawn Treader, but a pleasant_

_shock to be sure. I would be lying if I were to say that I was not disappointed when I realized that _

_you and King Peter were not with them. But then I remembered Aslan's words. I have accepted_

_that you will never come back to Narnia. But accepting it does not mean I am ready to let you go._

_I suspect I will never be ready._

_By this time Lucy will have already told you that I am going back to Ramandu's island. _

_Forgive me. If you feel for me half of what I feel for you, then this must give you pain. Pain that_

_I wish I could take away. But I cannot. And for this I will never forgive myself. _

_I do not want to be so callous and blunt, but Narnia needs to know that she will be taken _

_care of by its King and by his heirs. If it were a perfect world, my love, you would be my wife, _

_my Queen, the mother of my children, the Queen of my heart. But, alas, it was not meant to be. _

_At least, not in this life._

_My heart cries as I write to you in the darkness of my cabin with only a candle as light. A perfect_

_description of my life without you. Dark, but with a glimmer of hope that we will meet again in Aslan's_

_country. I ask that you move on, my love. Be happy. Find somebody who you love and will love you back._

_You deserve nothing less than absolute happiness._

_I will marry Ramandu's daughter. She will be my wife. She will be my companion as I walk in _

_this world without you. But know this. You are my heart. You are my soul. You will always be the _

_one that I will call love. We may be apart but that does not mean that I will forget you, that I will _

_stop loving you. For how can I stop loving someone that gives me the will and the strength to live _

_and to love?_

_We will meet again, my love. Have no fear. When we have done all we can for this world, we will_

_see each other again in Aslan's country, where I will be waiting to hold you in my arms once again._

_Be strong, my love. And rest assured that when I see you again, I will never let you go._

_I love you, Queen Susan the Gentle. I love you. Know that I will love you until the end of my days_

_and beyond. _

_Caspian X_

Susan couldn't hold back the tears. She cried. Cried for herself, and for Caspian. She read the letter

over and over again until she practically had it memorized. Susan knew what she had to do. She ran

up to her room, took out a few pieces of paper and started to write...

* * *

...an hour later, Susan folded the letter, went downstairs and started looking for Eustace. She found

him and the rest of her siblings in the living room, talking in hushed voices. Susan came in and everybody

fell silent. "Eustace", she said, "can I talk to you for a moment? In private?" "Of course, Su", Eustace

replied.

They went out to the garden, footsteps breaking the silence that hung between the two cousins. Susan

spoke first. "Eustace, I need you to do something for me". "Anything Su" said Eustace, "you know that"

Susan marveled at the change in Eustace. "Narnia seems to have done you a world of good, Eustace"

Eustace smiled, "And for that I am eternally grateful. Now, what can I do for you?"

"I know that Lucy and Edmund won't be going to Narnia again. And I was wondering If you could do me

a favor?" She hands him a letter. "Keep this with you always. And when you find yourself in Narnia, please

give this to Caspian. Please don't ask me what's in it, Eustace. Just promise me that you'll give it to him.

Please."

Eustace took the letter and gripped Susan's hand tightly. "You have my word, Susan. He will get it."

Susan smiled, "Thank you, Eustace. Thank you" Eustace grinned, "Now, how about we go inside? I'm

bloody freezing!!!" Susan laughed and together they went inside the house, Susan feeling lighter than

air.

_Caspian_, she thought. _I will never stop loving you_.

* * *

Caspian was laughing as his 5 year-old son was running after Trumpkin, the dwarf looking grim as usual but deep

inside he was laughing at the antics of the little prince. "Rilian", shouted Caspian, "stop chasing after

Master Trumpkin" "No!", said the laughing Rilian.

"How goes Caspian, father and king?" said a voice from behind Caspian. He turned around and was shocked

to find Eustace. "Eustace!!! What a surprise!" Eustace grinned and bowed, "Your Majesty". Caspian laughed,

"Enough with this "majesty" business, we are friends!"; and Caspian pulled him into a brotherly hug. "How are you,

is everything alright?". Caspian started to panic, "Are you alright? Their majesties? Susan? Are they okay?"

Eustace chuckled, "calm down Caspian, they are fine. More than fine, actually. Peter's at university, it's a school.

He's doing ok. He's stayed away from trouble." Caspian smiled, "that's good". "And Edmund", Eustace

continued, "he'll be entering university in a year and he's excited about it. Keeps on muttering something

about Philosopht and whatnot. Lucy's as happy as ever. Amazing, that girl. She's happy about anything and

everything!" At this Caspian couldn't help but laugh, "that's Lucy". Eustace smiled and went on, "Yes, Lucy will

always be Lucy. And Susan..."

At this, Caspian stopped laughing and stopped smiling altogether. His heart clenched and he felt he couldn't breathe.

"Susan", he whispered. Eustace placed his hand on Caspian's shoulder. "She asked me to give you this", Eustace

handed him an envelope that was slightly bulging, "practically made me swear on my life that I give it to you". Caspian

took the letter and held it like a lifeline but remained silent. "Go. Read it. I'll watch over your son". This got Caspian

back to reality. "Rilian, Trumpkin, come here". Rilian stopped running after the tired dwarf, ran to his father and launched

himself into Caspian's arms. "Yes, Father?". Caspian smiled, "Rilian, this is Lord Eustace, an old friend." "Hello", said

the suddenly shy boy. "Hello Rilian, it's nice to meet you". Caspian looked at his son, "Rilian, why don't you take

Lord Eustace inside? I just need to do something then I shall meet you. Take them to the stables

and introduce him to your new horse". "Yes, Father. Come on!", and the giggling boy grabbed Eustace's hand and ran

all the way to the stables. "Finally, now I can die in peace", muttered a tired Trumpkin. "You going to be okay, boy?", said

Trumpkin while eyeing the envelope that was in Caspian's hand. Caspian looked at the envelope and then at Trumpkin, "You

going soft, old man?" Trumpkin raised an eyebrow, turned around and muttered, just loud enough for the King to hear,

"If you weren't the king i'd have kicked you right now". Caspian laughed at the mutterings of the dwarf. But stopped

when he felt the slight weight of the letter in his hands. He looked at the envelope, it was addressed to him.

_King Caspian X, the Seafarer_

Caspian made his way to his private study, poured himself a glass of wine, and opened the envelope. In it was a necklace

with a large pendant. It was beautiful. He set it aside and unfolded the letter. Tears fell on his cheeks the moment he

saw her handwriting...

_Caspian, My love_

_It has been over an hour since Lucy, Edmund, and Eustace told us of their adventures with you on board the_

_Dawn Treader. And it's been over an hour since I read your letter. I thank you for it, and for so much more._

_I have not said it before but I will say it now. I love you, Caspian. More than you will ever know. I feel like I_

_have loved you since the moment we met. _

_I understand why you have to marry. Though it pains me to know that you belong to another, I understand._

_Truly. Narnia needs to be protected. Narnia needs to be defended. As you have said, if it were a perfect world, _

_I would be with you. But I must contend with being back here in England and surround myself with my loving family. _

_You ask me to move on. This I cannot grant you. I can never move on, my love. Not without you. You ask me_

_to find someone who I love and who will love me in return. I have found him. He is You. I have promised myself that I_

_will not marry. I cannot make myself marry someone when I know in my heart that it is you I love._

_I know that we will see each other again in Aslan's country. It is the one thing that keeps me going in this_

_world, aside from the love that my siblings shower me with everyday. I cannot wait to be in your arms again, my love, _

_and we will spend eternity together._

_I love you, my brave King. Know that I will never stop loving you. And I will never let go._

_With all my love,_

_ Susan_

_p.s. It's a locket, my locket. I want you to have it. You don't have to wear it. I just wanted to give you something_

_of mine. I will miss you._

Caspian did not realize he was crying until he saw the wet spots on the letter. He folded it, kissed it and placed it in

a locked drawer for safe-keeping. He then picked up the locket and opened it. Inside was the picture of Susan. Caspian

couldn't help himself. He fell to his knees and started sobbing. He didn't notice the door open and close quietly. Only when he

felt a hand on his shoulder did he realize that someone else was there. "My King, what is the matter", said the soothing

voice of the wise Professor. "S-s-s-usan", was all Caspian could say before he started crying again. This was all the

Professor needed to hear. He sat down and swept the young man into a fatherly embrace, telling to King to let it all out.

* * *

It had been a week since Eustace arrived. He and Rilian were becoming fast friends, and the boy saw in Eustace another

father figure. Eustace had gone on a ride with Glenstorm in the forest. This left father and son to amuse themselves so they

went on a small walk along the beach. It was during this walk that Rilian tugged at his father's hand and asked, "Father, what

is that necklace you wear? Is it new?". Caspian stared at the locket and at his son. "Yes, my boy. It is new". "Who gave it

to you?" Caspian knew he had to tell him sooner or later, but he decided to tell him the short version and would explain everything

else when he was older. "Rilian, you remember the stories I tell you at night? About the Kings and Queens of Old? Well, one

Queen was named Susan. Susan the Gentle........"

* * *

Susan had just come home from the hospital. Being a Nurse's Assistant was hard work, plus the hours she spent reading medical

journals instead of sleeping didn't help matters any. She had just entered the house when Lucy shouted; "Susan, guess who's here?!?!?"

Susan made her way to the living room and a smile immediately lit up her tired face. "Peter!!! I thought you weren't coming home until

next week?", Susan exclaimed as she dropped her bag and ran to her older brother and embraced him. Peter hugged her back. "Well, I was

but when you're as smart as I am, you get exempted from finals and get to go home earlier than others", Peter said with a laugh. Edmund

hit him on the head, "You sure you didn't get expelled, Pete?" he asked with a smile. "Shut it, you!", and everybody laughed.

"How come Peter gets always the attention, what about me, Su?", said a voice from behind Susan. She turned around and saw Eustace. Susan

gave him a hug and asked how he was. "I'm good actually. Never better. And Su? I have something for you.", and he handed Susan a small

envelope. It was a pretty nondescript envelope except that it was addressed to _Queen Susan the Gentle_ and the wax seal was of a lion and an eagle.

Susan felt the blood drain from her face. "Take it Su. Read it. We'll be down here when you're done", said Edmund as he nudged her up the stairs.

Susan sat on her bed, and with trembling hands, opened the letter and started reading...

_My Love,_

_I had thought I would never hear from you again. You cannot imagine my happiness at receiving your letter._

_It was a balm to my aching heart. I have missed you so, My darling._

_I wear the locket constantly. I have never taken it off ever since first time I put it on. I love the picture of you, my love._

_Whenever I feel lonely, I just look at your face. Oh how I love you._

_You must be wondering how Narnia is doing. She is doing well. She is prosperous and thriving. She is_

_in want of nothing. I hope Aslan would be proud._

_I have a son. His name is Rilian. He is 5 now. The Professor says he is the spitting image of myself at that age, and_

_I agree. I can see myself in him. He noticed that locket that you gave me and asked me where I had gotten it. I knew he was too_

_young to realize the depths of the feelings we have for each other. I have decided to wait until he is older. (I seem to remember Lucy and Edmund_

_talking about understanding when older on the day you left Narnia, during that wonderful kiss we shared...yes, I still think about_

_it constantly). I simply told him that it was from Queen Susan the Gentle, the most beautiful woman to have ever graced the land of_

_Narnia. He remembers you from the stories I tell him at night. _

_There is one more thing I have to tell you, My love. It is just Rilian and I now. Ramandu's daughter has left Narnia to_

_join her father in the sky. I believe I should start from the beginning. A little less than a year after we were married, Rilian was born._

_I was euphoric the day my son was born. I spent all day with him. He was my lifeline. He gave me new reason to live. A month after he was born, _

_his mother came to my library and said that she was going home to her father. She said that she was destined to give Narnia an heir, but_

_was not destined to be by my side for all eternity. That destiny belonged to you.. She said that she loved our son and that she would watch over him. She also_

_told me to tell you to be strong. That you and I would see each other again. I was bewildered at first but that night Aslan came to me in_

_a dream. He told me that what the star said was true. A week later, she sailed on board the Dawn Treader and made her way back to her_

_father's island._

_That is the story of my life, thus far. I have loved these past 5 years with Rilian. And I am looking forward to more. I have missed_

_you, Susan. Oh, how I have missed you. But I am hopeful that we will see each other again, soon._

_I love you, My heart. Never ever forget that. I love you._

_Caspian X_

_p.s. In return, I had a locket made for you. I hope you will wear it as a symbol of my_

_undying love. And Rilian has sent you something as well. And he was adamant about_

_putting his picture next to mine in the locket. He too wants to be remembered by_

_Queen Susan the Gentle._

Susan lifted the envelope and took out a beautiful locket with the initials C and S on the cover. Susan's tears flowed freely

as she opened it and saw the picture of Caspian. And she could not help but grin when she saw the likeness of

Rilian on the other part of the locket. "_Yes"_, Susan thought, _"he looks just like his father"_. Susan wore the locket and

picked up the letter. Only then did she notice that there was a second page. When she saw it, she gasped. It was a drawing

of a man and a boy. Susan realized that it was of Caspian and Rilian. And that Rilian drew it all by himself. Susan smiled.

She would have the picture framed and place it in her room. It deserved a place of honor. Susan folded the letter and placed it in

one of her drawer. She then wiped away the tears and headed down to the living room, sure that her siblings and Eustace would want

to talk to her.

* * *

Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy were heading home after spending sunday at the park with their families; all except

for Susan. She held on to her promise that she would never marry. The small picnic was a huge

relief after a hectic week for the siblings. They were all talking as they crossed the street but then something went terribly wrong.

A car was careening down the road and was about to hit Lucy. Without thinking, Susan grabbed Lucy and pushed her onto the sidewalk.

Lucy made it but it was too late for Susan. In a split second the car had hit her. But what was strange was she didn't feel or hear anything.

Except for the familiar roar of a lion.

* * *

"Is she here yet?", asked the young man for what the other man thought was the hundredth time. "No, son. She's not here yet. But Aslan

said she would be here soon". "I just can't wait to see her, Father", said Rilian. A slightly older Caspian looked at his son; "Nor can I".

And then they heard a lion's roar and they both looked to the field. There, bathed in sunlight, was Susan. Caspian couldn't move. He had waited

for this day for so long. "You have been waiting for her, Your Majesty. Go to her"; Aslan said to Caspian. Finally Caspian started to move.

Susan felt like she was floating on air. She was in Aslan's country. Aslan had told her that her siblings would be with her. But not now.

She would have to be patient. She was looking around the field when she noticed a man walking toward her. "Caspian", she breathed.

She ran to him, and for the first time in years, they were together again. They did not know how much time had passed. They just

held on to each other.

"I love you, My Queen", Caspian whispered. Susan smiled, "I love you, my brave Caspian". And with that, their lips met. The world seemed

to stop. It was just Caspian and Susan. Lovers. Soulmates.

After what seemed like an eternity, they pulled apart. Caspian put his arm around her and walked towards Rilian. "There is someone I want you

to meet, My love". Susan stared ahead and saw a young man who was the spitting image of Caspian. "Queen Susan, the Gentle; this is my

son, Rilian".

"It is an honor to finally meet one of the Queens of old. Welcome, Your Majesty". Susan smiled; "call me Susan, Rilian". We are friends are we not?

After all, I have carried your picture after all these years" and pointed to her locket. Rilian smiled. "Of course, Susan". Caspian could not describe

the happiness he was feeling. After all these years, he was complete. He had served Narnia well, he had his son with him; and now Susan, the love

of his life, was here.

"Is it true that when they met, Father and High King Peter did not like each other?" ...Caspian was snapped out of his reverie by Susan's gentle

laughter. "_Yes", _Caspian thought as he looked at Susan and Rilian, "_Everything is perfect"_ Caspian then walked next to Susan, wrapped his arm around

her waist, and kissed her cheek. "I love you", he whispered. Susan smiled at him; "I love you. And I will never let go".


End file.
